Saturday, June 29, 2013

written before midnight, posted after midnight - and now, goodnight

(Okay...wrote this one actually today, unlike the other two I posted today, which were not actually written today.  It appears that I sort of wrote it once before already (entitled I Hope Perfectionism Falls Down the Stairs and Gets Gout). Well, too bad.  I wrote it today (okay, technically, since it is after midnight, it was in fact yesterday...) and I'm posting it not-today-but-feels-like-today-because-I-haven't-gone-to-bed-yet.
Ah, OCD...it makes for some interesting sentences.)

So....
I have some things I have to "work out", personally, and I always mean to get around to writing, and I think better when I can write it down, so...
"Problem solved!"
It may not be interesting to ANYONE but me, however, writing it here and there results in
= collecting paper = too much, so am now going to be doing sort of diary/website/etc
on this blog. Probably no-one reading anyway; suits me fine if it's just me & maybe a friend or two peering at it.

The thing is...
when I am away from a screen or paper (really I hardly ever have written anything on a screen, only some poems in the college computer lab a lifetime ago --
still, as mentioned b/f, there is too much paper)
anyway, I come up with insights, minor "voila"s, etc, bits of things -
so many thoughts and it's hard to hold them if i don't type with closed eyes they will disintegrate
i will get hung up b/c the thoughts they are such a tide
so yeah, I was upstairs and having thoughts i wanted to put into a blog, like
"indecision kills"
Grr - I came straight downstairs and started typing, with my eyes closed == but I had already lost the thoughts as I began to type.
I know that perfection is my enemy, and so is form and expectation (and sometimes self-in(tro)spection)
I wonder if i am the only one who write (types) "blind" - out of sheer necessity?
i know the distraction element is so incredible in my mind at any given time
One thing I listened to was radio remix - tonight's show informed it somehow but how?
I remember that the in between times of life informed was what i was going to type about yesterday
all swept away now by new thoughts but what were they? they are leaking out of my head the more seconds pass that i am away from their original conception
radio the man was talking about bit bits various flotsam and jetsam and puts them together well that is what this blog is going to be b/c that's what
it was meant to be
we'll see
but anyway there are things in the emails to retrieve
and yesterday I was thinking about the in between moments of everyday life and maybe how I am, when in those in-between moments? But I can't remember exactly.
GAH! so frustrating!!!!!
I've written a thousand opening sentences for blogs, in my head, but they never stay long enough for me to put them IN the blog.

This will be the next blog entry anyway - screw it.


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