Monday, February 5, 2018

Poem: BB King evening

BB King blues and someone is using a table saw outside and the train coming by
pork loin cooking
and a tiny little bit of a breeze wafting in

Sun has set but it's still blue outside; a little bit of sunset remaining

everything feels okay...
 puts me in mind vaguely of being a little kid in the apartments and maybe someone's cooking out
 and it's still light out, so I don't have to go to bed yet
things are cool just sitting and listening and soaking up the evening

The stereo playing songs that are like favorite uncles and aunts come over to visit
it's got the groove and the funk and rock and melody,
the chillness of the fun 70s sound -
 horns and drum and upbeat with a smooth voice and joyful-sounding backup singers and it makes me imagine
 hippies in jeans in a public park or remember sitting with my family on a blanket in a park at dusk listening to a concert
 - music coming from a bandshell inside the park and our bikes are laid out on the grass near us, and we have a snack that we brought with us

but mostly tonight makes me feel like a grown-ups' party/cookout is getting started and they forgot to send us kids upstairs for it

The excitement and expectation of something, we know not what, only that it surely will be the pinnacle of fun!
and loneliness and boredom
held at bay for awhile


Sunday, February 4, 2018


I'm parked in the parking lot of a local church, just temporarily, on my way home. There's soy milk in the trunk but it will keep a little while, and none of my other purchases have to be put in the fridge.  I'm on my way home -- close, in fact -- but I don't want to be on my way home.....not because I don't love my husband, not because I don't like our condo, not because I don't love our kitty cat, not because I don't like eating sous-vide steak ......because I'm afraid of the monster that awaits me at home:
I am the thing that I fear. I am what holds myself hostage A part of me hates the rest of Me Part of Me holds the rest of me back held hostage by my fears and insecurities and Dread and denial and trying to run from things so much that I am by now in a tiny and ever tinier box.

Monday, August 22, 2016

Poem: lake feeding (written in 2000 or 2001)

lake feeding

I sit by the lake on the brick wall, legs crossed and grown pale and hard with chill, like iron rails.
The turtles don’t appear on the smooth green-black surface, only a sudden ripple or two, far out.
I break and throw a cracker anyway, nibble on the last part myself.
The stunning pink and purple sky of moments before has settled now into subtle hues of blue, white and a faint orange glow above the darkening water
The cold is numbing but I love it out here
A sudden splish and plop and a soggy, ragged square of cracker has disappeared.
A minute’s wait and then another is gone, and then another
I see the small explosion as a spot of water rises up to momentarily become solid and transparent as glass, then settles to liquid ripples
But I never see the fish, a brown glint at the most.
I marvel at their quickness, never seen but expertly nabbing their target, hardly ever missing
I wonder, too, at the split-second from floating cracker to empty water
All is veiled by the water’s darkness.
It is beautiful, but I have things to do, and the evening chill is growing
The bricks feel like rough ice.
I struggle to my feet and step off the wall, with one last glance for the faintly glowing sky and dark lake
The unclaimed bits of cracker will remain, float uselessly, slowly turn grey in the impermeable water.

- Kat Finger

In Which Is Illustrated The Reason Why I Don't Write Reviews

A long time ago....
(A decade, even)...
there was a website of miscellaneous written stuff called I Drank What?, which featured many things written by, among other people, Cindy Sites Wooley (only Sites back then, a decade or more ago), who had worked on and written for Tangents magazine, and Chris DeLisle (two awesome people, both of whom Facebook now helps my slack ass to keep up with; thank you FB!)

BTW, Tangents went away at one point but now is back again - hooray!! Here is the NEW iteration:

Anyway, I also wrote some stuff for IDW: mainly poems, a few articles, a story or two, and the occasional review. Not many reviews, though. For, you see, I am long-winded -- or rather, long-typed?/keyed? Yeah. In college, I *wanted* to be able to write the 8-9 page papers we were assigned, but in my OCD way I'd end up with 14 pages, still only 2/3 of the way finished with what I wanted to say, at 4 am, glaring at my peacefully sleeping roommate who double-spaced her paper to bring it up to 8 pages. So. very. maddening.

Thus, it came as no surprise to me that I could not for the life of me write a paragraph-long review of ANYTHING. My fellow writers (and happily, also the editors), however, were very very surprised nigh unto alarm. This is one of them, although not, I believe, the longest one. (The longest one, a paen to Die Hard, actually made their eyes glaze over and their faces sag a little. But I can't locate it right now.)
This review is from July 2001.

Exhibit Review:  “Mi Barrio/My Neighborhood” at Gallery L

One of the latest things to go cosmopolitan in Charlotte is the Main Library uptown.  In recent months, I’ve noticed a big change there, namely that the big room that used to be the Virtual Library has now become a seriously suave gallery, with the ultra-hip, New York-style name of Gallery L.  So far, I’ve seen two pretty neat things there:  a Warhol exhibit, and the exhibit I’m reviewing here, called “Mi Barrio/My Neighborhood”.  It’s an exhibit of a graphic novel and various other art created by 13 teenagers in a predominantly Hispanic part of Hendersonville.

The novel uses a combination of drawings, some black & white, some color, and photos.  There aren’t many words:  mostly a collage of pictures and images loosely tell a story of gang life, from riding high to dying.  This is then followed by a page that declares women to be “Man’s Best Hope for Peace” and shows some of the girls that were involved in the project.  Some comics and miscellaneous collage-style pages follow, including a really cool one about the “New Girl Order”.  The novel is in Spanish, reading from one side, then when you flip the book over, the words are in English, which is a really good way to do it.  The kids have done an amazing job of integrating the drawings and the photos, and the composition and placement is excellent, like when there’s a line-drawing of a man pasted into a photograph of a rear-view mirror.  I also like the way certain drawings, like the buildings, are repeated throughout the comic so skillfully, with different portions of a larger drawing in different sizes.  Although the gang story is really simple and almost stylized, it works well that way, and artistically it is really well-done.

Various pages from the novel were put up on different walls of the gallery, so it really hits you first with the collective atmosphere of it all, of gang life and teen life in general.  And since the gallery is laid out so that you have to walk around walls and partitions to see it all, the pages were shuffled even more so you therefore had to pay more attention to each frame, which enhances the experience.  Copies of the novel are provided free at the entrance, though, so you can then read it in order and see it the way they put it together.  Besides the novel, the walls of Gallery L held some more collage-type pictures, and a lot more miscellaneous pieces of art by the kids who worked on this project:  such as self-portraits, neighborhood scenes, some drawings of a more religious or mystical/fantastical nature, and even a few comic strips.

Out of the miscellaneous art, most was really good and impressed me with the kids’ talent – and a few drawings actually blew me away with the skill in technique and composition.  But the creativity of all of it, especially the graphic novel and collage pages, really impressed me in and of itself.  This exhibit reminded me of how it was in high school, of the kids who were into art and whose talent I admired and envied.  There is often so much talent in the kids around you, and so it’s really important for teachers, counselors, and society as a whole to not let down kids.  Everyone needs to encourage and listen to kids, to recognize how unique and impressive they are, and how important it is for them to feel pride in accomplishment.  This exhibit reminded me how cool most kids already are, at that age – at any age – as people who matter.

“Mi Barrio/My Neighborhood” runs through July 22nd, and it’s definitely worth a trip up to Gallery L.

- Kat Finger

Thank You, Justin Carmical

**Note: I wrote this probably well over a year ago, and procrastinated posting it. Posting it now, apropos of nothing.

"In loving memory of Justin Carmical" -- I just clicked on it because -- let's be honest: it was morbid curiosity.
The video was posted by one of my most recent favourite discoveries in the funny riff-type reviewers - Doug Walker, ThatGuyWithTheGlasses. I'd barely noticed the name "League of Super Critics". I honestly had never heard of Justin before.
Yet I quickly realized this was someone I'd have loved to know: a fan of sincerity, positivity, fun, and just plain old niceness. Reminds me of my friend Val, actually. She and Justin would've been kindred spirits - I hope there's some kind of afterlife or next stage or spirit world wherein they've just recently met and are dancing around in the rain, singing silly songs. Justin's heartfelt message at the end of the video is most definitely something Val would endorse - it's something that she told me about myself many times - in essence "You are good enough, just the way you are. I value you, so I want you to value yourself!"
And it is something so seemingly simple, and easy to mock or disregard, but it's also one of the most important things I can think of to pass on to others.....
You are unique. You are special, and your life has meaning. You matter. Just by being alive, you are making the world a richer and more beautiful place. Whether or not you think you are contributing enough, whether or not you feel you are creative or memorable or are. You smiled at someone today. You wore a bright red jacket, and someone enjoyed that splash of color. You were rocking out in your car at a stoplight, and the sight cheered someone up, jolted him out of his doldrums and caused them to grin. He walked with a little more animation down the sidewalk, and was there to open a door for a lady, then pet a dog a block later. All this happened on your neighborhood, on a day when the cotton-y clouds inspired a girl to write a poem and the little breezes ruffled a child's hair, and all of the little things woven together created a perfectly imperfect and random scarf of a day which will never be repeated again and was vital to the Universe. You, and I, and all of us, we matter and we are part of the mysterious magic that glows in the corners of everyday, in the moments between the events.

So, EVERYONE, please do try to remember that you matter, that everyone matters to someone. There is still hope, even if it seems hopeless.
And I'm posting this, and reiterating it 
- even though it's been said before
- even if no one reads it
- even if it is no longer considered topical, because I was too overwhelmed to blog about on the day I spotted it, so that for all I know, people will think I'm lame or lazy or cheesy or corny....
Doesn't bother me. Because when you write from the heart, it's good enough.
(It's so random and yet...
(I might have just declined to click and never have known...
A man made a video message, and I happened to see it. YouTube is full of videos, and the world is full of people. And it's all competing for our attention, all of the time. But this man, Justin Carmical, was special, and his message is important. It's a message I sometimes feel I was put on this earth to emphasize --value yourself. There is hope.

(So said Val. So said Justin. So say I.)

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Turning Over A New Leaf, Hopefully, One Day At A Time

Okay, so....Hola, to whoever? whomever? may be reading this.

(giggle -- sounds like the following sentence should be "If you're reading this, it means the monster caught me and devoured me with his slavering fangs. Tell my mother I love her....")

Anyway, I used to enjoy (or I remember it that way, at least) the school assignments wherein the teacher would require us to keep a journal for a week or whatever, and we either had to write a minimum of (2? 3? I don't remember the number...) paragraphs -- OR if you wrote a poem, it counted as a complete journal entry -- per day. I had half entertained using this idea for / as my blog, but then I quailed at the thought of making people bored or something. So many bloggers are so productive, prolific, and witty on a daily basis, you see, or at least a weekly's intimidating.

However, eff that line of thinking. For one thing, as a friend of mine typed on his most excellent blog The Ramen Stand, "Who cares if nobody reads this thing, ever. This is for me...Never feel as though I HAVE to post. Relieve pressure. This is for fun." So, thank you, Nate Bezner, for inspiring me to give blogging another shot!

So, I guess I'm sort of proclaiming, at least to myself, that writing something in this blog and posting it, hopefully daily but at least once a week, will be mainly what this is all about: writing exercise + therapy. But also, a place to store a few links or lists or random reminders about things, here and there. We'll see.

And allow me to wish EVERYONE a Happy Thursday!

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

I Recommend the Following...

Thoughts in my head one minute, blank slate the next moment...ADD is not helping me be a writer right now.

However, I always wanted to do random things on a blog (a decade or so ago, I dreamed of having my own website - but this is MUCH easier). I wanted to make lists of things, recommendations of things, etc.

Here are a few things I highly recommend that you, dear reader, check out / try, etc.

~ Listen to old radio detective shows, like Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar and Pat Novak For Hire and Line Up. A) they totally RULE, and B) they are great company / background for when you're doing chores, or walking around the block, or driving, or trying to fall asleep, or wrapping gifts when it's Christmastime, or waiting for an appointment, or whatever. I especially particularly recommend the following Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar episode "The Royal Street Matter".

* Put blueberries in your chocolate ice cream - tastes great, especially if it's dark chocolate flavor.

> Any time you're near a fountain (of reasonably large size - not a water fountain that you drink from), especially if said fountain shoots streams of water in arcs, try to keep your eyes on one droplet of water from the moment it shoots out of the nozzle, up into the air, over the top of the arc, and down again into the pool of water. Of course, you can't really latch your eyes onto just one droplet of water without binoculars - but do try to keep your eye fixated one piece of the water's stream, as specifically as possible, up and over.

This will freeze the water for a surreal few seconds, and it will feel like you're looking at stop-motion photography -- but in real time. Like this!

It may sound goofy, but if you try it, I'll bet you'll find it diverting and possibly even fascinating, as I do.

+ If you like the book Jane Eyre, and you are at all geeky or a fan of fantasy or sci-fi, then you owe it to yourself to read Jane Slayre. It is SO well done, and I really enjoyed looking through both books simultaneously and seeing which parts of Jane Slayre were word-for-word the same as the source material, and which bits were much the same but slighly altered to fit the situation.

Also, if you were always a little (or a lot!) turned on by Mr. Rochester, I suggest you check out the book Jane Eyrotica. Yep, it's what it sounds like. ;D

* Any Bryan Ferry and/or Roxy Music fans in the metaphorical house? You should know, if you don't already, that the Bryan Ferry Orchestra put out a CD of many Ferry and Roxy songs RE-DONE AS 1920s JAZZ TUNES. Yes. They. Did. The CD is called The Jazz Age, and it is SO awesome!

To wit: here is "Virginia Plain", by Roxy Music:

and here is "Virginia Plain, by the Bryan Ferry Orchestra:

So...there are a ton of other things that I notice and enjoy, which I'm not sure that everyone has taken the time to notice and enjoy. I plan to revisit this topic quite a bit. (I'm also one of those people who delights in using a jukebox to play Amateur DJ to the entire restaurant.) When will the next post be? Who can say? To quote Dirk Gently: "Pray God I am not too soon!"

One of the podcasts I listen to and love is called The Great Detectives of Old-Time Radio. I shall emulate the host.

This is Kat Finger, signing off.