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Monday, February 5, 2018

Poem: BB King evening

BB King blues and someone is using a table saw outside and the train coming by
pork loin cooking
and a tiny little bit of a breeze wafting in

Sun has set but it's still blue outside; a little bit of sunset remaining

everything feels okay...
 puts me in mind vaguely of being a little kid in the apartments and maybe someone's cooking out
 and it's still light out, so I don't have to go to bed yet
things are cool just sitting and listening and soaking up the evening

The stereo playing songs that are like favorite uncles and aunts come over to visit
it's got the groove and the funk and rock and melody,
the chillness of the fun 70s sound -
 horns and drum and upbeat with a smooth voice and joyful-sounding backup singers and it makes me imagine
 hippies in jeans in a public park or remember sitting with my family on a blanket in a park at dusk listening to a concert
 - music coming from a bandshell inside the park and our bikes are laid out on the grass near us, and we have a snack that we brought with us

but mostly tonight makes me feel like a grown-ups' party/cookout is getting started and they forgot to send us kids upstairs for it

The excitement and expectation of something, we know not what, only that it surely will be the pinnacle of fun!
and loneliness and boredom
held at bay for awhile

8/26/14

Sunday, February 4, 2018

Hostage

I'm parked in the parking lot of a local church, just temporarily, on my way home. There's soy milk in the trunk but it will keep a little while, and none of my other purchases have to be put in the fridge.  I'm on my way home -- close, in fact -- but I don't want to be on my way home.....not because I don't love my husband, not because I don't like our condo, not because I don't love our kitty cat, not because I don't like eating sous-vide steak ......because I'm afraid of the monster that awaits me at home:
me.
I am the thing that I fear. I am what holds myself hostage A part of me hates the rest of Me Part of Me holds the rest of me back held hostage by my fears and insecurities and Dread and denial and trying to run from things so much that I am by now in a tiny and ever tinier box.