Saturday, June 29, 2013

Free Writing on a Thursday Night Most Likely Months Ago

(this was actually written, I think, sometime early in 2013??? Apparently it was a Thursday)
(btw love MGee & NCIS in general so title is a nod to that)

Blank page - aaaaugghh!

So: Freewriting...
 - humidity sucks - "too much information/runnin' through my brain" - what is most and least interesting to write here, what's good enough or not enough? - Fascinating cat : will he wink back? - sky gets dark so fast, once it starts - where do all the thoughts go when you try to chase them around and corral them they dry up, disappear? puff of smoke - if I open up something in my brain just right, a torrent comes out - thought torrent - if it could just leak it directly through the pen but it's not a pen it's my fingers on keys; if only one of my fingers could double as a pen; stupid brain full of thoughts at all the wrong times then they hide if torrent is required! It figures, those klutzes; still better to at least spill some thoughts - they get SO majorly backed up in me then fester yes sit around and mildew-  not good precious must get out and shake thoughts loose always think better flows better when I'm moving don't know why - "movin' on from town to town" - aha: all the songs that have moving in the title maybe I'll make into a list; could make another blog called Free Space "watch this space" always a new different list or observation or just random words -  btw I highly recommend magnetic poetry even if you have no room on the fridge just attach something magnetic to the wall - "over me, over you/over everybody" - heavy the laptop is, and such a weak battery, so not actually as portable as I'd imagined - still a vast improvement over monitor and stays-in-one-place PC - was listening to a good episode of either Talk of the Nation or Charlotte Talks, on NPR, about technology of maps on phones and soon even in the lens of your glasses; it could cut you off from the world maybe - got to be careful of that - it is so important to walk down to the pond, tiny and polluted though it is, just to see maybe one frog, hear six or more frogs' enormous and eerie voices, and see tadpoles actually jump just a bit out of the water coming to the surface to get food. A better memory would help, in re: how thoughts flow so much better when I'm moving mustn't wreck the car after all when brilliance (okay maybe more like inspiration) hits or when epiphanies occur - still working on the "perfect" dictaphone set-up for car.  "Too much information/ drivin' me insane" - how odd, the sheer volume of ideas that someone has already had, thus the feeling 'it's as though this song was written for me!', 'how did he know I'd feel that way?', nothing new under the sun and all that rot yeah yeah, but sometimes it's the juxtaposition of when you hear the song just on the heels of what your see or when you think of the song just as you've heard words the song describes or leads to the words pointing a path down the runway straight into Sting's voice and tight bass and guitar and that perfect sax climbing and dipping over and over....  It's hard to just stream, let all words out, not self-edit especially hard to hit right keys when eyes closed so it's a good thing I took typing in high school (do kids even take typing anymore?) helps to have your hands hover above the board, hit the keys as they were trained to do long ago -  my grandmother knew shorthand; looks like hieroglyphics to me - lots of things we're losing as I grow older, as people go away and years pass - we lose shorthand, languages, some arts and crafts - one major thing we are losing or have lost is to take time to do a thing or make a thing - when there was no shortcut to cooking or cleaning it wasn't maybe better quite, but more real - it's so hard to remember to Be Here Now, but, of course, it's not always due to  technology...I used to burrow deep inside my own soul not just inside my mind it was like I took my mind and therefore my self down into the pit of my stomach so that only a warm husk of a body was sitting in the seat it was there to hold a place to look at but vacant because my entire soul was locked far within the interior well, sightless no sound no awareness of surroundings of people of furtive looks of snickers - but of course also losing awareness of the good parts I would especially do this when in church youth group functions...funny how much nicer, healthier, less 'dangerous' an environment you can get amongst a bunch of D&D-playing drama-geek gamers than you sometimes do on a youth group mission trip. Satisfaction, that's what I need to work on: yes, work on Being Here Now, and on being satisfied and not always questing after more or better, or wondering if I'm missing something-  must get out of my own head more often!
Yikes -- 10 pm and no dinner yet -- so this is the end of this blog.  Happy Thursday to all, and to all a good night.

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